Why don’t you want to play with me at pacific playland anymore?!
Nothing in the past prepared me for what these feelings would be like
What happens when you find yourself experiencing familiar feelings over and over?
The universe has a way of subtle reminders and telling us that we have not learned yet…
Maybe we have learned and we choose to ignore or not listen because we are stubborn.
Or learning and applying would be all too easy and we want to make life challenging, harder than it has to be because that’s the only way we know how to make it. Difficult. Never easy.
Sometimes I think about those that are less fortunate than me, and then humble myself because I actually do not have it that bad, and no matter how bad it feels – those are merely feelings.
Feelings are not meant to define us, actions are better suited for that and through actions we can define ourselves during intense times of feelings and emotions. When you fall flat on the ground you still fall forward, which means there is progress in that falling even though it sucks to fall, no one wants to fall – and often time it’s easier to lay there for a moment or two and reflect, but once that shock wears off that you’ve fallen what do you do? Pick yourself right back up, even if it takes some time, you are defined in how well you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You may end up with some dirt on your, or a rip in your favorite pair of jeans, or even a strawberry gash on your palms because you tried to catch yourself in the act. However all those things are irrelevant in comparison to actually stabilizing yourself on your own two feet again, and that’s where the real growth and maturity comes from.
I will pick myself back up from this, I am already picking myself back up and slowly repositioning myself from a crawling position into lifting myself up completely back upright.
No matter how difficult it feels or seems, I am relying on the one thing that ultimately I can control, and that is myself – relying on myself to control myself and my disposition.
You were once a dream, then a reality and now a memory – and I will never forget simply because I am who I am today and you’ve been a part of that and helped mold and shape that. Thank you for that, this will get easier with more time. Two weeks is not enough time yet for me though, and that’s completely understandable and normal I believe.